Sunshine

With a dream of basking under the sun,
     On bare feet I travel miles and miles of dry land;
With a broken pen I try to preserve the fountain of my life;
     And all that my marble heart looks for is some sunshine.

Tree of life

Expressions

Samarpan

Unkindness!

I do not know what is the right thing to do. I am probably the most scared person on earth, putting a brave front, a hypocrite I am. I call every one else an emotional fool, for I don't know how to deal with my own emotions. To deal with your emotions, you need to know them, understand them. But I don't know what I feel half the time.

My interests change every now and then. The same people who interest me the most become uninteresting in a minute, it could be a word they say, it could be a pinch of weakness they show. Its enough, I am more kind to my own weaknesses than others. This is me.

I say that I do not judge people, but I am the most judgmental person you would come across. I am an egoistic person, my world revolves around me. I would always choose my happiness over yours. That's me.

Deconstruction

It's been a while since I took stock of my surroundings. I have been sleeping long hours. Does that mean I have been peaceful? Not really, I have been more lost than ever before. I have been occupied with meaningless thoughts and races. I came here to discover the unknown me but here I am, all shattered! I thought I would get back on the stage while at school. But it did not happen. It's strange, now I am not so sure if I am the one who is meant to be on the stage.Well, there are lot of things that I want, but I might not be willing to take the pain to go and get it!

There is this constant fear, I cannot understand what is it? Why do I have tears in my eyes at this moment, wish I could go deep inside my mind and figure out some answers. 

I had thought I would use my time at B-School to retrospect and understand myself. But that has not topped my to do list yet. I just want to stop! I don't know where I have come, it's a puzzle how I reached here. It feels like I don't belong here. If not here, where do I go? 

I overheard that the ones who suffer the most are the ones who do not know what they want. Hope it is not true always!

Hopes and fears as I start my days at ISB

My 1st week at ISB!

No regrets, but I have given up far too much while making this choice. I never made an attempt to meet my future batchmates unlike many others who even went on trips together. 1st week was definitely a roller coaster ride with all the parties, break-out sessions for various clubs, ragging by seniors (oh they don't call it ragging here and we have signed an anti-ragging agreement as well). I have been rather chilled out since I arrived at ISB. We were given couple of assignments by seniors, crazy assignments with unrealistic deadlines. But I for one did not bother to submit them which is unlike me. I like the new me, who cares less about whats happening around her.

I see everybody on an edge. People are nervous, every day feels like an exam day. There are fears I need to address. I am worried about losing focus. I have not been able to sit back and think what is it that I want to achieve here at ISB. Why am I here? Yesterday while talking to somebody, I realized I can't act that studies don't bother me. They do, I want to learn. My primary intention was to be able to understand all the aspects of managing an organization. How could I forget that? My primary target was never networking; yes, I do want to improve my networking skills. I do want to make friends. But that was not my goal for coming here. I could have done that outside ISB as well. I want to learn. So I shall. Friends I will make by being nice to people. I will not go behind the world to make friends. The ones worth making friends will definitely become my friends. After all there is magnetism at work, bringing people together.