And you smile

That bitter taste of lemon

Like a river flowing downhill, mere water

That accomplishes nothing

Another kite cut heartlessly

Where do I collect the remnants of that colorful flight

In this hollow dark night

A big lie, when they say

It’s all in the journey

Only meant to pacify the losers

There never is a middle ground,

Either you make it or you don’t; history will tell
Only that your run was not good enough

Did I actually see it

Or was it just another mirage in my desert
Beautiful but not a part of my story any more

And you smile, is it the end of a road

Or that of a journey, unkind future
to give a small hint.

This ain't my story

I don't say that these words are my own
Or that they have never been written before
All I say is that this is how I feel

Judge me not for nothing is completely true
For what you see is what you want to see

Love me not for what you feel is me in a distant past
For thoughts change, people change

Beyond the last blue mountain

All those who made it

Beyond the last blue mountain

I wonder, if your route took you through

The same valleys and winds

That block my sight and flight

Colored candies, beautiful gardens

Joyful evenings, and sweet talks

Were they offered to you as well

Just before the last blue mountain

Did you moan at all that was there for taking

And you did not take

Did you rejoice when you heard

The drum echoing in the distance

Did your heart stop beating

When you saw the last blue mountain

Did you live long enough to

Bask under the sun

Beyond that last blue mountain.

Road that keeps coming back

We walked the same roads
We climbed the same rock
And we glanced at the same sea and the sun

It must have been in a dream
For people meet only in dreams
And they get separated in reality

I wonder, If I am going round and round
The same circle, For that road keeps coming back
Curious to know what lies beyond the limits
I embarked on that path I eluded for so long

Still I hoped that my choice wouldn’t change anything
In a minute I felt something had changed
Tell me that I am not alone,
That you feel the same too.

Lost souls

I don't know what the hell is going on
Not in my mind, not in the world around me
But I am omniscient!

Though I am a tortoise who works slowly and steadily
I watch movies instead of running the last lap
But I am ambitious!

I can't tell a friend from a foe
I have broken hearts with no regret, I have trusted fools worth no penny,
But you could trust me!

I see so many pictures, in the same old painting
I like a different color, on a different morning
But blue is my favorite color!

Hold on

What you have been looking for could be just around the corner
So hold on, when the road seems endless
And you don't see any sign boards

Hold on, when the whole of world is dazzling with light
And you sit all alone in your dark room
Doing things that may mean nothing at the end

When everybody seems to question you,
And you don't have no answers, yet
All you ask is how much is too much, hold on for a while

Give it all you have got for it's your last shot at glory
Sleepless nights, dry weekends, tasteless food
It ain't gonna end so soon, and you ain't the only one, so hold on

It’s just a different morning

It’s getting to my head
I ain’t drunk, but I feel everything is blurred
Is it against the law to close your eyes
while driving on the Highway?

I might have missed the exit
But I have started to love the ride
Destination doesn’t matter no more
I hope I have taken the wrong turn

I have started to have fun while I climb
I ain’t scared of falling again, I await the fall
I feel like walking the country roads
I feel like swimming across the dirty streams

I feel like doing something wrong
I feel like doing something silly, naughty, little rebellious
I feel like just being me
Yeah…I don’t feel like myself, no longer!

Promise of the passing time

A moment in life you have waited for

Has passed by and you didn’t see it

You don’t remember a knock on the door

You don’t remember a touch on the forehead

All you see is the traces of sand left behind

All you feel is the comfort in your heart

That the promise was kept.

The moment that takes the pain out of the past

The moment that takes away the fear of the future

The moment that makes everything perfect

Shall visit you when you least expect

You would never know when, but it would, my friend.

In the meantime, my friend, 

Don’t let the bitterness of all that has happened make you bitter

Don’t forget everything is beautiful if only you have the courage to make it beautiful

Don’t forget to be happy because happiness is only a choice

Don’t forget the people who stood by you…till that moment arrives!

There shall be that day as well

When the guilty feet revisit your paradise

You wonder what are they looking for in the ashes

Bones? but it was not body that was set on fire

You would have nothing to offer, no forgiveness, not even pity

And the paradise you are rebuilding has no place for the guilty

So that day shall pass too leaving no footprints …my friend!

Let there be no light today

Let there be no candles today
Let the darkness prevail till dawn

Let there be no music today
Let the dancers take rest

Let’s not make any promises today
They shall be broken like always

Let me not talk today
Words are too heavy to carry

Let me not pray today
Many days I have forgotten you, one more day

Let this day be lost
In the anonymity of just another day

Does love have an expiry date?

It's a stupid question from an idiotic friend that triggered me into writing this blog. Years ago I read Swami Vivekananda saying something to this effect - we all start out with values and dreams. As days pass by, we grow older, reality hits us every day, and we start compromising slowly. We lose faith in all that is noble and pure. We become those rocks and walls that don't react. Would it have been better to shout and yell than be quite and accept?

Some of us go to work every day because we get paid. Some of us get married because we are old enough and we have to answer people otherwise. The same people who denounce politicians for corruption prefer bribing traffic police to paying fine. Okay, it is hard earned money saved. What about our soul? Wouldn't we have to protect the dignity of our soul in every action? Or is dignity too big a word? Wouldn’t every action of ours leave behind some fragrance?

I remember that kid sitting on the cozy couch promising herself that she would never let that happen to her, that she would never give up on all that is noble and pure. Much of life is yet to unfold itself but I have seen some dark waters and I know that temptations are many and it is not easy to not give up. It never was!

Are you scared too?

Few days ago I had put a status update on FB that I thought was witty but not many take kindly at the mention of the word "death" or anything related. So yeah, the joke, no more a joke, somehow reached my home and it created a lot of uproar.

I wonder why? Let’s talk about death so that we live life to the fullest. I am ready to go, does not mean I am done with life. I love my life so much that I often run out of words to express. A walk in the woods, a look out the window, that sweet taste of tender coconut water...I would walk thousand miles for that sweet amrit!

Neither was there anything before this life nor is there anything after. We are going to become one with soil, water or air. What does it matter? Why not give light to someone’s eyes when we go? Why fear even to talk to about it?

almost!

I woke up to a dream of snakes, haunting enough
That I feel I am entering some disaster zone

Very early in the morning, I could feel the fatigue when I boarded the bus

What did I know, just around the corner
I would witness an act of kindness

That would make my heart almost dance with joy

Even if I am walking into a tornado, I thought,
I wouldn't mind for I am happy
And I would wear a smile in my heart

I was only standing by but
I feel like buying her a bouquet of white flowers
And saying 'thank you', if only I could

I look out the window, there I see,
Light blue sky with occasional white clouds,

One or two birds flying free and high,
Making me jealous
And I almost smile loudly

Just when I thought this was almost perfect
I almost missed my stop,
In the middle of the road busy with racing cars,
Scribbling my thoughts on the mobile,
Looking at the wheels of the trucks passing by,
I wonder what the tornado could be.

Didn't see you leaving...

My friend is out of town for a long time to come,
I didn’t realize this even when I waved you good bye!

Never trust anyone for your best friend could turn out to be your worst enemy,
That’s what you said back then, I thought who would know that better than I?
We, meant to be on the opposite sides, are friends only because of the odd road you chose!

Never did I understand your ways, nor did I completely agree with your opinions,
But you didn’t come in the way of my freedom; you didn’t care for me so much to suffocate me,
That’s why, my friend, we will be friends for a long time to come!

I didn’t see it even when I waved you good bye,
When immersed in work on a busy day, I realized you weren't in town any more,
What remains is a sigh, a lump in the throat!

Just so you know how much I appreciate,
Not just for looking out for me like a brother, but for choosing the right against the easiest,
For standing by a stranger against your best friend... just so you know...

Parallel worlds!

A world where houses with stone walls throw truck loads of food into garbage,
and one where dozens pick their food out of it.
A world where men hardly see a school in their lifetime but learn to earn their livelihood the hard way,
and one where everything is taught but nothing is learnt.

A world where a woman is beaten everyday by her drunken husband,
and one where drinking is cool and socially accepted.
A world where a woman is considered an equal, not just on paper,
and one where kitchen will always remain her domain even if she has conquered all other.

Parallel worlds do exist, one in your head and one that makes your head spin,
Split personality, we all have, one inside the house and one outside, one within you and one to show to the world.

Written on the walls of...

"A writer out of loneliness is trying to communicate like a distant star sending signals. He isn't telling or teaching or ordering. Rather he seeks to establish a relationship of meaning, of feeling, of observing. We are lonesome animals. We spend all our life trying to be less lonesome. One of our ancient methods is to tell a story begging the listener to say-and to feel- Yes, that's the way it is, or at least that's the way I feel it. You're not as alone as you thought." Letter to Peter Benchley, Sag Harbour, 1956 from 'A Life in Letters' - John Steinbeck.

"One has to think a little bit whom you are writing for and... what purpose. But my instinct is, write what you have to say and to hell with it." - Trilochan Sastry, Association for Democratic Reforms(ADR). It's because of ADR, anyone standing for election in India must declare their assets.

Why be generous to think of an audience that may not arrive? Who else can honor your words better? Write for yourself. The moment you scribble a thought, you are free of it. Once in a while, you can stop walking and take a peek through the moods and shades of life, what if only through the worn out pages of a book!

Unspoken words!

Sunshine hidden in some corner of my heart,
Mighty enough to spread a wildfire,
Or become the flame carried by torchbearers.

A bird, born free, imprisoned in this beautiful cage,
this cage, made of love, duties, and expectations,
Would it have been softer if it were made of iron instead?

So easy to give in, so easy to accept a normal life,
One that is convenient, but for who?
What would a maverick do with a normal life?

Even the struggle would end, even I would be happier, but for how long?
On a happy morning, wouldn't my dreams of freedom visit me uninvited?
Wouldn't I long for the sweet taste of fresh air?

I only wish to live my life a little longer,
Only wish to break free from this prison of safety,
If only I knew what was there before, what will be left after this life?

Friends...colors in my Rainbow!

Standing at the junction of the past and the future, I dialed your number,

Was it a coincidence or were we meant to be this good friends?

No fear, no pretense, no expectations, I am glad we are friends!

When I wanted to run away from reality, 

I could just fly to an unknown city, knowing nothing what I would do, but that you live there,

I had tears crossing the road feeling stupid to have come in search of 'don't know what', just on the other side, you made me smile!

I would dial you if I am about to kill someone, for you would hide the gun for me,
I would dial you if someone is killing me, not sure what you would do, still I would dial you..;)
Have seen fights and hugs, tears and laughter, break-ups and makeup,

but sister, we know only one thing, we will be friends through all of it right till 'The End'!

We meet only on blue moon days,

But when we do, we have nothing to hold back, heart and mind on the plate,

We dissect present and future, we speak of birds and wings, and we dream of freedom,

That's what I call friendship baby! way to go...

Morning mist!

So early in the morning I caught a bus to an unknown land,
It's a festival for eyes to see the daylight break in that holy land, so I was told,
I sat there all morning gazing at the sea and the sky,
And the sun decided to only sneak through the clouds.

Golden rays, reflecting from holy water, fell on my face, and I closed my eyes only for a while,
So shining, whole of sea was taking bath in gold,
There I sat and glanced at the 'last bit of Indian rock',
Everything seemed so far away, none so near to cause any ripples.

It must have been 'bliss' for it has lingered in my memories for so long,
Wish I could go back in time and sit there with no wishes, no regrets,
Just one last time, with no wishes and no regrets!

Quest

Cry that only you hear,

Mighty storm forming all around that only you know,

Peace you find in the middle of a crowd, but only for a while

Oceans you try to cross, but you know not, to swim,

Inaction that tears you apart,

Mountains that only you see,

An extra mile that you have to go alone,

Is this a quest for the Golden Fleece or a futile pursuit?

...

My mind is full of thoughts, some white and some grey,

I tell them 'shut up, you ain't doing anything good'.

I watch tv, I watch movies,

I tell my self 'get out of the couch, you are going into coma'.

So many people, so many opinions,

I tell them 'go to hell, you ain't living my life'.

And it rains,

I tell myself 'get out, you gotta get wet'!

Life that is not!

Memories, borrowed from another life,

for you are too fragile to make new ones.

Rented place, you walk through, you call home,

for you are too scared to build your own,

scared of all the broken homes, scars, and wounds.

Dreams, only when you sleep,

for you are too wise to build castles in the air.

Pray, if you have to, for freedom from yourself!

Greener world

Stuck in traffic, standing in an overcrowded bus,
Just outside the windows, I see
Birds flying free and high,

I long for wings or a free fall
From a high flying bird.

Trapped in dos and don't s, plans and schedules,

I long for the Himalayas,
So vast and tranquil that many a man found peace,

and I long for Le Cloud,
A white heaven I once lived in.

Asked to write thousands of lines in a language that I can't speak,

I long for the fountains of Vegas,
Vibrant enough to leave me spellbound.

And when words dance in my mind,

I long for a pen and paper to treasure them forever.

Lost in the maze

Mind is a maze of mirrors, so I see only "I".

"Break them down", I tell myself, for there lay a wonderland beyond what my eyes can see.

Seeing the darkness, I thought it is new moon.

Only when I opened the windows of my heart, did I realize it's not even night.

Lost in the mundanity of life, I had lost track of blessings.
Only when everything dearest was taken away, in the ecstasy of pain, did I know the best is yet to come.

Fallen warrior

A woman with a dead army in the battleground of men, asked to surrender,

decides to not keep the gun down.

Enemies attack from every side but her hands don't hesitate, she shows no mercy.

Just the movement of her eyes is enough to scare the titans.

She has waited all her life for such moments, that take her breath away. So she fights on, not because she is scared of losing but because she is not meant to give up.

When she fell, she won the heart of dead and alive alike.

They salute her for fighting a war she could never win!

The end.

It is said everything has its natural culmination,
But what happens to the stories that come to an abrupt end?

Audience is left to its imagination,
But what happens to the characters, are they just to wait for the director who never returns?

Questions never asked

It was not your words that my ears heard, but the songs I wanted to hear.
When it is merely talk with no wisdom, will my ears still hear you?

It was not your looks that I admired, but your character.
When your character is just my imagination, will I still admire you?

It was not you that I trusted, but my Lord who lived in your soul.
When you betray your soul, will my Lord still live there?

Will they?

When I cross a busy road,
When I watch movies alone in the theater,
When I go to hospital alone,
When my phone rings and I know it's not you,
When I am hungry and I don’t feel like eating,
When I no longer get angry, knowing that nobody can harm me as much as you did,
When someone hits me and I no longer feel like hitting back,
When someone shows care and affection,
When everything hurts but I don’t feel anything,
When I am tired of being strong,
When I can’t hate you more,

It’s only sometimes that I search for you,
It's only when I search for you, do I realize “dead won’t come back, will they?”

It's not home yet!

Storms hit my boat and pirates raid,
Just another sailor in the ocean, I often forget my boat.

I stop at an unknown land,
So beautiful I forget I am just a vagabond.

It took years, now I know it's not home yet,
And it’s already time to hit the sea, I fear I have forgotten to sail.

Tides are high, sea is hungry, I have left the shore, and boat doesn’t listen to me anymore,
Heart is expectant to see a wonderland where old tracks are not visible, no more.

And I wait for the mighty storm with thunder and lightning, to soothe my arid heart.

PINCHd

Enjoying solitude on a beautiful Sunday morning and browsing through things to do in Bengaluru, I came across this local adventure club in SF. Only concern I have is that it's in SF, not Bengaluru!!

Meet someone new.
Be adventurous.
Join a PINCHd adventure!

Their "About" page says:
"Pinchd was started by Shruti, Eric & Amara. A couple of years ago, we moved to San Francisco looking for adventure. Trying to balance work, friends, and fun, it wasn’t long before we fell into a mundane routine. All of us shared the same sentiment– we slept, ate, worked, and occasionally went out to the same old bars. We lost the adventurous spirit we had when we first moved to the city. It wasn’t until someone asked us if we had been to the secret slides on Seward Street. We quickly realized we were missing out on the real San Francisco. Motivated by our desire to change, we dedicated our lives to inspiring others to step out of routine. We started with our close friends. We asked them slowly explore the city with us. Now we organize our “adventures” for anyone. Whether you are looking to break out of their routine or just have a burning desire to do something different with new people.


Isn't it cool if we could set up one such club here in Bengaluru where you don't have to pay a huge sum for membership, you could just go online and checkout the events available over the weekend, sign up and pay online.. just show up for the event and have fun!"

Future seems very lustrous for such a start up.. Few years down the line when people will be lost in the virtual world more than ever before, the need to escape from the mundanes of life and have little fun and adventure would be greater! A lot of Indians need to learn to have fun.. someone has to start helping them realize it!

Oops, did I say if we could set up one such club in Bengaluru instead of if we had one in Bengaluru? Don't mind, that's the entrepreneur in me who is trying to jump out of the ordinary me!!

Just a thought!

God sometimes gives us special gifts, probably without even considering if we deserve them. But the way we handle our gifts determines if at all we deserved them in the first place. In no time can God take away those special gifts, probably replace them with what we deserve!

End of the day, everybody gets what they deserve!

May be I should rest my case with God!

Nonviolence is not one of the ideas I advocate, for I am not a Gandhian! I have vowed long ago to not kill anything that can't talk, for it cannot present it's case. Also I don't intend to harm anyone. But yeah, when it comes to pay back, I always give ten fold back. Be it love or revenge.. it always had to be ten fold! I am at extremes always. Being half way in anything wasn't me.

It's this nature that never let me forgive anybody who has harmed me in any way. I just parted ways with them and yes, never forgot them.

Today I came across someone, speaking with the wisdom of a lifetime, has made me think..

"Don't ever forget the ones who have helped you. But do forget those who have harmed you the very moment.
Do forgive the ones who have harmed you. Wish well for them. If you don't, they will always stay with you. Only if you forget them, God will take care of their deeds. If not, God will forget their deeds. "

May be I should rest my case with God...